Ode to an Empty Cardboard Box
The gift that keeps on giving.
by Nikki Palumbo, | December 28, 2021
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Carolyn Lagattuta / Stocksy
It’s that festive time of year again when the halls are decked and the family gathers and these monsters shred through thoughtfully-wrapped presents only to complain before anyone thinks to give the cat hers.
Even along the fireplace mantlepiece there are, for some reason, tiny gifts stuffed in socks but the greatest gift is the one that’ll bring me peace yes, it’s you, an empty box.
Bigs, smalls, stouts or talls there’s no size cardboard I will discard it’s safe and empty with ideally four walls so I’ll sit in here and watch my humans watch the Christmas classic Die Hard.
This empty box is where I will chew and scratch and sleep and plot and toil and swear and stalk and nap and creep.
The former inhabitant is long gone some worthless sweater or Macbook Pro or candle evicted from this box Now I reside here, in you, from dusk till dawn my personal cat cave — this rocks!
If my humans ever throw you away I’ll ponder ways to guilt them — from relentless crying to the unorthodox — because my love for you will never wander and forever I will pine for you my beautiful OH LOOK STRING!!!!!!
Nikki Palumbo
Nikki is a writer and comedian. Their writing has appeared on The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Funny or Die, Reductress, the Google Assistant, and her folks’ fridge. They were named one of WhoHaha’s “35 LGBTQ Creators We Love” in 2018 and a Yes, And Laughter Lab finalist in 2019. They worked as a story producer on the YouTube Originals weekly music show, RELEASED, and wrote for the inaugural 2021 MTV Movie & TV Awards: Unscripted, hosted by Nikki Glaser. Nikki hosts the monthly-ish standup show Queer Tiger Beat, which has been recommended by The New York Times and featured in Time Out.
